Ze Pattern

This past month, without the schedule of school to determine it for me, I’ve learned that I am in a cycle. It begins with a point of inspiration for an idea; I do a little work on it, then show it to other people, because if I don’t show it to other people, I won’t get it finished. Then, almost without fail, no matter what those people say or do, I reconsider what I’m doing, regard it as awful, and stop doing it, and fall into a miserable state where I wonder why I bother, because what I do is quite meaningless and of no interest and all of those typical low self-esteem things.

I stay more or less this way until I rouse myself out of the feeling by noticing a friend of mine is sad and pointedly putting effort into helping them. Then it starts anew.

I worry about this.

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