Sugarcane

And people say violence can't be therapeutic. And hey, they're Vampires, so it's not like you killed anyone. You merely inflicted an array of clawhammer-shaped injuries on people who now know better than to give out pointless bullshit fetch-carry puzzle-chain quests to people who have a more direct way to solve their problems.\n\nThankfully, with them cleared out, it's a straight line to Her place. You pull your jacket up around your shoulders, tuck your trusty claw hammer at your hip, and run forwards. \n\nOh shit-\n\nHang on!\n\nYou didn't get a present! U-uhm. Maybe she'd like something you brought with you anyway?\n\n[[Here's Hoping|Finale1]]\n\n[[Inventory]]

Okay! So let's get started! \n\nYou live in an apartment that probably was built in an alleyway - there's almost no horizontal movement, but you do have three storeys of space: A basement to brood in, a bedroom for music practice and sexy times, and of course, where you start, [[the foyer]].

Uᴘsᴛᴀɪʀs Bᴇᴅʀᴏᴏᴍ\nHere's your bedroom, which, when you realised you lived here on your own, you decided to decorate in the way you wanted. That's why there are posters for videogames and bands you dig over the black painted walls. The window stuck up on the high wall is barricaded, but you painted the barricade black. The purple trim on the barricades was just a stylistic choice and you did have to do something with all that leftover paint.\n\nThere's your [[dresser]] here, and there's your [[mirror]]<<if $hasipod is false>>, and there's the [[crate]] your massive UV light was shipped in. You dumped it up here because hey, free wood!<<else>>. There's also a big pile of broken wood, the remnants of 'moving' the crate.<<endif>>\n\nCourse, you can head back down to [[the foyer]].\n\n[[Inventory|Inventory]]

You raise your mighty hammer over your head, fist clenched tight and release a primal yell. Swinging the hammer down onto the burning hood of a car, you send sparks and ash flying around, wild tapers of white-hot frustration that serve as metaphor for your inability to progress. Lo, there is no hintline in this life! Is there no justice? \n\nA few more smashing hits and you feel a bit better. The cars are still on fire, though.\n\n[[Yeah, well, I can still do that again, right?|previous()]]

You got this crate up here in a hurry. It isn't very heavy, but since you weren't paying much attention when you dropped it on the floor and kicked it in, it's actually wedged underneath your bed a little, stuck on the floor and metal pipes. Worse, it somehow ricocheted on the way in, right up against the wall, so there's basically no room to drag it out.\n\n[[Reason With Crate|cratetalk]]\n<<if $hasoil is true>>[[Use Oil On Crate|oilcrate][$hasoil=false]], to make moving it easier.<<endif>>\n[[Use Clawhammer On Crate|hammercrate1]]\n\n[[Look around for other options first.|upstairs]]\n[[Inventory]]

Rubbing the oil on your fingertips, you carefully apply the oil to each nail in the barricade, working it underneath the head as best you can. The wood, being unvarnished, absorbs some of the oil, and after twenty minutes of painstaking work, you achieve absolutely nothing except greasy fingers and a lot of nails that look like they're sweating.\n\n[[... Why did I think that was a good idea, again?|previous()][$oiledfdoor=true]]

<center>Gɪʀʟ Wɪᴛʜ A Cʟᴀᴡ Hᴀᴍᴍᴇʀ\nAn Adventure\n\n[[Begin!|Beginning]]</center>

You have:\nYour trusty claw hammer.\n<<if $hasoil is true>>A can with some oil in it.<<endif>>\n<<if $hasipod is true>>Your non-branded MP3 music player and sound-cancelling headphones.<<endif>>\n<<if $hasscissors is true>>A pair of stout crafting scissors, perfect for slicing through paper, small cables, and incredibly feeble bonds.<<endif>>\n<<if $haschain is true>>A thin little chain cut off a fire hydrant.<<endif>>\n\n[[Back|previous()]]

Alright, let's see, from the top down, you got your chunky chain stolen from a biker. Your leather jacket's resting over a white tee shirt, which hides a sports bra, because, uh, duh, vampire hunting without a bra is incredibly stupid. It's a bit of a shame to hide your rockin' abs and badass shoulders, but heck to that noise when it's cold out. Down at the waist, thick belt that used to be used to secure a parachute (no really) and thick-fabric, heavy wearing green military surplus pants. Boots? Of course! Big stompy leather monsters designed for kicking down doors and planting defiantly on-stage as you rock out. \n\nYou know what? You're looking pretty rad!\n\n[[I know|previous()]]

Tʜᴇ Fᴏʏᴇʀ\n<<if $hasipod is false>>You've already barricaded your house shut against vampire attacks, and been very careful about never inviting any vampires inside. That's why you have a huge UV light in the front hall to shine on all guests before you let them in. Problem is, this morning you reinforced the barricades around the house and in your fervour, you accidentally barricaded shut your front door.\n\nNormally, you wouldn't care about that. But today? Today you are going to wreck some shit. First things first, though, you need your Non-Branded MP3 player, so you don't hear The Note, or have to listen to dire 1990s power ballads. Not even the good power ballads. We're talking Billy Ray Cyrus here.\n\n<<endif>>You can head [[upstairs]] <<if $hasipod is false>>to look for your iPo-I mean your MP3 Player - <<endif>>or you can check the [[basement]]. <<if $hasipod is true>>Since you're armoured against the music outside, though, it seems time to deal with [[the front door|frontdoor]].<<endif>>\n\n[[Inventory|Inventory]]\n

The head of Rockers is almost dignified looking, in his purple-tone pinstriped suit, with low brimmed hat and high heeled boots. While his lapels are wide, his eyes are narrow and smart, watching your expression as you draw near, smiling to show just the edge of a fan under his rich red lips. Clearly, this is a man who plans.\n\n"My goodness, what an obnoxiousness," he says, trying not to glower too obviously at the Montagues, dressed in some sort of fashion avalanche of bright colours and striped socks. "I suppose it behooves me to introduce myself - Sir Barret Von Jackeline Onassis, The Third, Peer of the Rockers. And you are a neutral party of dubious importance, which makes it seemly enough that you negotiate with the Rockers for us, no? Good, thank you"<<else>>\n\n[[Well aren't you a presumptuous motherfucker?|montague1]]\n[[Inventory]]

[[SMASH!|hammerfdoor2]]

It's a little fire hydrant, short and stout\nIt doesn't have a handle, but a bolted-shut spout.\n\nThe impassive metal dwarf has a face from a certain angle, which is complicated by the chain hanging out of its 'nose,' giving it a defiant, punk expression. Fortunately, while the police were shut down recently, the water works and power company still - mostly - do their jobs, so at least this fire hydrant's been recently painted. \n\n[[Unscrew the Hydrant|gaghydrant]]\n<<if $hasoil is true>>[[Use Oil On Hydrant|oilhydrant][$hasoil=false]], to help unscrewing the cap.<<endif>>\n<<if $hasscissors is true>><<if $haschain is false>>[[Use Scissors on Chain.|scissorshydrant][$haschain=true]]<<endif>><<endif>>\n[[Use Clawhammer On Hydrant|hammerhydrant1]]\n\n[[Seek other options.|fireplace]]\n[[Inventory]]

Rᴀɢɪɴɢ Sᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ Fɪʀᴇ\nThe fire rages across the whole central line of the street. Man, cars burn way better than you'd think they would. Through all the heavy smoke that billows off them, chances are, nobody can see you on the far side. That sucks - you can't stand here, all menacing, looking through the flames, and growl out badass phrases.\n\n[[Examine The Fire|fire]]\n<<if $seehydrant is true>>[[Examine the Hydrant|hydrant]]<<else>>[[Examine The Street|searchstreet1][$seehydrant=true]]<<endif>>\n\n[[Inventory]]

A quick check on the street indicates that it's pretty much exactly what you expect. Black stuff you could call asphalt or bitumen, lines that represent the traffic laws that people will ignore if they think they can get away with it, a fire hydrant on the side of the road and a screwed-shut sewer plate. \n\n[[Hang on, that's interesting.|previous()]]

The wooden construction comes up to your knee, and has been thoroughly soaked in holy water and rubbed down with garlic. You've always really liked bats - they're awfully cute - and the propensity of vampires to claim the skies at night makes it risky for the little guys to make long journeys across the city. You set this thing up to put on your roof so they could roost in there for a little bit, maybe eat the bugs that float around your apartment. \n\nA drunk vampire crashed into it a few nights ago, smacking open one side. Bonus, he staked himself on the broken wood, so that was a twofer. Now you've got to repair it, but that'll have to wait for later.\n\n[[Back|previous()]]

Okay, how exactly is that meant to work? It's a fire, it's enormous. It's a conflagration of burning leather and plastics and oil, an unending symbol of the universal entropy that can claim even the Undead Gangsters that plague LaRox. Your scissors would do... exactly... what?\n\n[[... I dunno, it was worth a try.|previous()]]

The leader of the Montagues is a tall, grumpy looking vampire wearing a corset and with the sides of his head shaved to make his hot pink hair stand out more agains his porcelain-pale skin. Whatever else you can say about who he used to be, he clearly was born with a perpetual sneer on his face. As you draw close, he, recognising you as neither a Rocker nor a Threat, he relaxes and starts talking to you.\n\n"What the fuck, right?" he says, his hands on his hips. Gesturing with a thumb at the opposing Rockers, in their finely-tailored Zoot Suits, he sneers his way through his introduction. "You're from down past the car fires, right? Well, we're getting nowhere with this turf problem and those assholes aren't moving. It wouldn't be a problem, but they're squatting in our flashlight warehouse, and man, you know how often you need a flashlight when you work at night all the time?"\n\n[[Okay, you need a flashlight.|rockers2][$montague1=true]]\n[[Inventory]]

It's possible your irritation is showing. When you cross over again to talk to the Montagues, they visibly retreat from your presence. \n\n"Oh, the gorge thing." says the leader of the Montagues, a little unnerved as you glare at him. "We can't do that right now - the gorge is closed for repairs. Hm. Oh well. Can't get the flashlight tonight, I suppose. Thanks to our Vampire OCD, we're going to have to just repeat this entire cycle until something can break it. It's just how it goes when you're as mysterious as we are."\n\n[[OH. REALLY.|street2][$bullshit=true]]

Across the road again, with your blood pressure slowly rising, wondering if Her party has begun yet. You've got only so much time, and you need to find her a gift, too, now that you think of it.\n\n"Glass cutter? Rubiks' Cube puzzle? Actually, shit, now that I think about it, we do have those - but we can't give them up until we've twisted an airsick bag up really tight and set it on fire. Check that they don't have one of those, do you?"\n\n[[... Are you fucking kidding me.|rockers3]]

You draw yourself up, arms hanging down by your sides and clench your fist. Your trusty clawhammer in the other hand, you narrow your eyes, glaring through the fire at whatever lays between you and Her, and spit the first thing to come to mind:\n\n"<<print either("If you're wrong, you're dead wrong.", "Good. Bad. I'm the girl with a clawhammer.", "I may not have a cause, but I'll sure as hell have an effect.", "You are on thin fucking ice, and I will be under you when it breaks.", "Way I see it, Jack just left town.", "You're asking yourself if she swung that clawhammer five times or six.", "Man, fuck cancer.")>>"\n\nHmmm, that felt good. [[Now, then, about this fire.|previous()]]

Girl With A Claw Hammer

The midnight streets roll and buck with conflict and danger. Six years ago, the government of LaRox (French for 'It Rocks') City tried to clamp down on violence by building sound systems across the whole city, to play the Control Note and calm all the warring citizens down. It worked... for a while. Gangs dispersed, crime diminished, the police were phased out. It all worked out perfectly - almost too perfectly. The government were not prepared for one thing, though.\n\nVampires weren't affected by the note.\n\nVampire gang violence became the defining crime in a city without police to respond with their own form of criminal violence. Then they hacked the sound systems and the cities blare with the booming sounds of rock and rage. \n\nYou don't care, though.\n\nSee, it's her birthday. Her birthday. You know. Her. You've been invited to her place for a party, and even though you live here, on the other side of the city in a barricaded house, you're not going to sit down and wait. You're not that kind of girl. You're the kind who grabs what she can and solves problems and has an adventure. \n\nYou are the Girl With A Claw Hammer\n\n[[... Okay?|okay]]\n[[Fuckin' Rad.|rad]]\n\n

Tʜᴇ Cᴏʀɴᴇʀ ᴏғ Fᴇᴛᴄʜ ᴀɴᴅ Cᴀʀʀʏ\n<<if $street2arrival is false>>Vampires.\n\nIt always comes down to goddamn vampires.\n\nThere's a fight going on at the end of the street, as two warring factions of Vampire Gangsters - the Montagues and the Rockers - clash in open combat. These guys are genre-savvy vampires, though, so nobody is carrying a holy symbol or a wooden stake or a weapon that could be used to decapitate. See, the second you carry one of those things, you paint yourself as a bigger target, and you come with a sure-fire way to be destroyed. It's just waiting for Death By Dramatic Irony. \n\nThe fights follow a predictable pattern; two sides tussle for a few minutes, then everyone gets roughed up and backs off a little, because everyone is undead and nobody can do anything too meaningful. \n\n"Get the hell out of our turf!" hollers one, waving a definitely not-wooden stick across the street.\n\n"Your turf? Prithee, fool, I bite my thumb at thee!"\n\n"I'll bite your momma's thumb!" comes the defiant bellow.\n\n<<set $street2arrival=true>><<endif>>Here you are, standing in the middle of the road. Good thing they're yelling or you wouldn't be able to hear a damn thing. Still, they're filling the street and you know if you try to just walk on through they'll attack. Still, this is an adventure, and you know how these things go!\n\n<<if $bullshit is true>>[[USE CLAWHAMMER ON VAMPIRES|vampfight]]<<else>>[[Talk To The Leader of the Montagues|montague1]]\n[[Talk To The Leader of the Rockers|rockers1]]<<endif>>\n\n[[Inventory]]

The chain isn't very strong, unlike you. Also, it's thin enough that with the right pressure in the right spot, the chain snaps free and breaks from the plug, into your hand. Great! Now you just need to find some practical purpose for a loose chain that's small enough that you can break it with a pair of scissors.\n\n[[Bet that's my only chance to have grabbed that!|previous()]]\n

This is your dresser, in which you keep all your secrets, or rather, your collection of clothes. Once upon a time, you organised them so the bottom drawer had stockings, leggings, and socks - you know, feet related clothing, then the middle drawer had leggings, pants, shorts, butt related clothing, and then the top drawer had shirts and some shorts and underwear and other tops. This lasted for four, maybe five days. Bending down to get socks every morning sucked ass.\n\nNow, each drawer is cut thick with the strata of laundry, unfolded and stuffed in. You have greater concerns, after all. Vampire gangs. \n\n[[Oh shit, those guys, yeah!|previous()]] \n

With a final blow, the barricade yields to your might and the last of the nails tumble down to the ground. \n\nThe door is freed from your overenthusiastic home protection! Really, you'd have to be a bit crazy to think that defending your home is so important as to barricade the front door shut. Still, that level of crazy is something everyone can appreciate, men and women. Maybe next time you can just build a maze or something to defend your possessions. A woman's home is her castle, after all! \n\nNow then! With your music player protecting you from The Note, and the long pathway from here to Her door, you've got better things to do than think about stupid doctrines upheld by sexist shitheads. You put on your headphones, you turn up the volume, and you press play. It's time to go.\n\n[[Onwards!|street1]]

How's this supposed to work, anyway? The crate's stuck against the wall, the floor, and your bed. You smear the oil all over the metal parts of it, and some on the floor, and now all you have to show for it is a greasy, messy floor. \n\nOh well, you can clean that up later. \n\n[[Well, I mean, it was worth trying|previous()][$oiledcrate=true]]

You pick up the can of oil, momentarily annoyed that you've got greasy stuff on your fingers. Oh well. Surely this will wind up being useful!\n\n[[Back|previous()][$hasoil=true]]

What? What kind of attitude is that!? Come on, you're a girl with a claw hammer, on a quest to visit your crush's birthday party and not a single Vampire Gang is going to get in your way! \n\nNow what do you say to that?\n\n[[Rad!|okay2]]

You can't take your bass with you! It's way too precious to risk being getting vampire blood on it! And if you take it to Her place, you won't be able to invite her back here to 'hang out, and listen to me play.'\n\nThink, c'mon!\n\n[[Back|previous()]]

[[PRY!|hammerfdoor3]]

[[BREAK!|hammerfdoor4]]

Fire billows and belches, rising in rolling clouds. The cars burn longer and hotter than their size would suggest. Chances are, whatever paranoid idiot in your street set this fire up doused the cars with petrol or gasoline, soaking into the machinery and the leather. Still, you're not about to let mere fire stand between you and Her. \n\n[[Stand Menacingly And Say Something Badass|badassphrases]]\n<<if $hasoil is true>>[[Use Oil On Fire|fireoil]]<<endif>>\n<<if $hasscissors is true>>[[Use Scissors On Fire.|firescissors]]<<endif>>\n[[Use Clawhammer On Fire|hammerfire]]\n\n[[Reconsider Your Options|fireplace]]\n[[Inventory]]

Yᴏᴜʀ Sᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ\nYou're now standing in the street, right outside your house. Thanks to vampire gangs, it's actually really safe inside, provided you haven't invited any vampires in and keep your windows barricaded, and have some way to block the music, and you're not in a house that's too flammable and you're not likely to need to leave the house in an emergency at night and-\n\nOkay, look, it's still safer than it is on the street.\n\nRight now on your street, there's nothing happening aside from that fire down the end of the street. Seems someone had piled up some cars and set them alight, probably because vampires aren't keen about having their undead flesh turned into ash. If the fire was down the other end of the street you'd be okay with that, but the fire now lies between you and Her.\n\nYour <<if $hasscissors is true>>mailbox<<else>>[[mailbox]]<<endif>>, sunk into the wall by your front door, overflows with mail. The [[fire|fireplace]] at the end of the street merits investigation, and across the way, you can see a [[ladder]] propped up against a neighbour's apartment, the front door barricaded shut from the outside. \n\n[[Inventory]]

You look up the ladder, which has nobody around to claim it. It's a great big thing, able to reach a full storey off the ground, made out of metal, with nice rubber feet. Honestly, this? This is a pretty good ladder. \n\nIt's also about fifty kilos of metal and it's three times your height. Any fantasies you have about taking it with you to solve later puzzles are immediately dashed as you visualise yourself trying to coolly negotiate your way past two Vampire Gangsters with elaborate riddles, with this thing strapped to your back like some sort of paralysed Condorman.\n\n[[Screw it, who needs a ladder anyway.|previous()]]

Your mailbox is stuffed full of bills and non-digital spam, and in some cases they're bills worth paying. After all, medical procedures don't come cheap these days in the cold hard world of LaRox city, which isn't quite Canada and isn't quite America but they spell neighbour with a u. Being too definite about where it is might be alienating to people, after all, as players are tender little flowers who can handle the fantasy of turning into a dragon with a jetpack, but balk at the idea of having boobs. Still, amongst the letters - hahah! \n\nYou mailed away for this stationary sampler weeks ago, and it finally arrived! You tear the package open and find a few nice pens, and a stout pair of scissors. Always can find a use for a pair of scissors!\n\n[[Yeah, how many games have you longing for these?|previous()][$hasscissors=true]]

[[THUD!|hammercrate2]]

[[WHACK!|hammercrate4]]

[[SMACK!|hammercrate3]]

<<if $oiledhydrant is true>>Trying to grab the nut of this hydrant is damn near impossible. It's been covered in oil, which may, maybe make it easier to turn, but it's also made it pretty much impossible to grip.<<else>>You grip the hydrant's nut in your hand quite hard, and try to turn it. But it's fixed in tight, like they use some sort of machinery to do it.<<endif>> The nut is flat on each side, though, so you could probably get it to turn with a good, solid strike.\n\n[[Hhmmm, you don't say?|previous()]]

The crate smashes into parts, undone by your violent assault. Why, what a simple and practical solution to the problem. Good thing you've got a hammer - millions of uses, a hammer! \n\nUnder the splintered wreckage of the crate, you find your music player - which makes sense. You probably dropped it off the charger on your bedside one morning, and the crate wound up wedged atop it! Well, now you can [[get going!|upstairs][$hasipod=true]]

Tʜᴇ Bᴀsᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ\nThe steps on the way down to your basement are too narrow, forming something that's a little more like a very fat ladder than an actual staircase. Down here the air is a little more moist, in response to the powerful coastal influence of LaRox Bay. As with all basements, this is the room you use to store an almighty pile of junk that you don't want to throw away, including the boxes for every other piece of junk you own.\n\nAmongst all the crap you have accumulated and put down here are signs of abandoned projects. There's your [[bass]], which is obviously way too important to take out of the house right now. <<if $tookoil is true>><<else>>There's a can of [[oil][$tookoil=true]] here.<<endif>> There's also that little [[bat house]] you made to shelter non-vampiric bats.\n\nYou can head upstairs to [[the foyer]]. \n\n[[Inventory|Inventory]]

"An Airsick bag? What a coincidence, we do have one of those, but we're not allowed to give it up until someone jumps Puyahoga Gorge." He pauses. "That's a gully, near here." another pause. "Really. Y-you've probably been there and seen it before."\n\n[[And you seriously want me to... what, jump it?|rockers4]]

Gritting your teeth in irritation at the vampire gangs' lack of civility and presumptuous attitude towards you, you jog across the street to the leader of the Rockers. \n\n"Ah, good lady - any word from the Montagues for their demands?"\n\nYou explain through your grit teeth what the Montagues want, and what will make them disperse. A few minutes of thought later, the leader returns to you.\n\n"I need a glass cutter before I can give up the flashlight. Do they have any glass cutters, or, failing that, rubiks cube puzzles?" Then he looks at you, so expectantly.\n\n[[... You need me to go talk to them again, don't you.|montague2]]

You sit down and for a long, serious moment, ask the crate why it's choosing to be obstructionist to your plan. You explain to the crate why it's important to you to move it, and how no matter how <<if $oiledcrate is false>>comfortable it may feel where it is right now,<<else>>sticky and gross it may feel right now<<endif>> it's simply not a viable long-term strategy to remain stuck where it is. You outline ways in which you respect the crate's feelings, and how as a hard, tough thing that's useful for breaking windows, you and the crate have something in common, and can appreciate one another. \n\n[[Back|previous()]]

[[POUND!|vampfight2]]

Tʜᴇ Fʀᴏɴᴛ Dᴏᴏʀ\nThis stout motherfucker was part of your barricading frenzy earlier today. Bit embarassing, really, since with the UV Lamp on, you don't have to worry about vampires coming in, but gangs are gangs, and they do throw stuff. Barricading yourself in with planks nailed over the doorway may be a bit embarassing now, but on the other hand shhhh. \n\nThe door is stoutly barricaded closed.\n\n[[Examine the Keyhole|gagfdoor]]\n<<if $hasoil is true>>[[Use Oil On Barricade|oilfdoor][$hasoil=false]], to hopefully slip the nails out of the wood.<<endif>>\n[[Use Clawhammer On Barricade|hammerfdoor1]]\n\n[[Inventory]]

"Well, that, or maybe ask one of the montagues to jump it?"\n\n[[I'm going to be right back.|montague3]]

Unscrewing the cap on the oil can, you tip it up over the fire hydrant, carefully focusing the thick oil around the bolt. The fluid slithers down the outside of the bolt, no doubt filling crooks and nooks, which isn't nearly as useful as you might imagine. Still, it's now markedly more slippery, and a lot more flammable, which is what you want from something that will only be used when there's a fire around. \n\nOn the other hand, you've now made it too slippery to get a good grip on. \n\n[[Oh god damnit.|previous()][$oiledhydrant=true]]

With a burst of cold water pressure, the nut flies off, and arcing waves of foaming water shoot out in a wash that fizzes and spits as it floods the cars. The fire turns to smouldering ash, the water to waves of billowing steam, and then you get to a totally sweet slide across a slick car hood, clawhammer held high, through billowing clouds of steam. \n\nYour heavy boots smack the road. Maybe there's the music going on, maybe there's the Note - it's impossible to tell, since just as you swing your weight over, your favourite song starts up on your player. \n\nAw yeah. [[Let's keep going.|street2]]

[[WHALLOP!|vampfight4]]\n\nHang on, that guy looks like he's getting back up. You can go back and [[hit him again|vampfight]]

[[WHACK!|hammerhydrant3]]

[[PSSSHHHHHTTT!|hammerhydrant4]]

[[CLANG!|hammerhydrant2]]

You walk up the old, worn flagstones of the stately home in which She lives. It's a beautiful old home, befitting the family that inherited it; people in positions of authority and power who nonetheless have it in them to be kind, to strive to help others with what they have, and to not judge those who their peers consider lesser. She has lovely parents, which makes sense; She is so lovely, after all.\n\nYou adjust your jacket one last time, and realise you're doing it nervously. The doorway looms over you, with its frosted glass panels through which golden light streams, outlining you to the world behind you, your hanging arms looking like the wings of a mighty black raven. You still the jingling of the metal about your person, draw your breath, and knock on the door.\n\nA moment passes. Far overhead, the moon slips a little further towards tomorrow. \n\nThe door creaks, an eye peeks out. Your heart stops for an instant, then Her eyes widen and you see a sliver of a smile. "Oh~♥," and it's Her, it's Her, it's Her, and She's recognised you and She's unchaining the door and stepping aside. Of course, she's not inviting you in. That would be crazy, since there's a non-zero chance you were made a Vampire.\n\n[[H-hi.|Finale2]]

Stepping over the threshold, you smile at Her. Your hands slip to your pockets, as you fumble your words. Birthday present, brought you, gift, got something, um-\n\n<<if $hasoil is true>>An oilcan? No, that's not sweet or cool or beautiful like she is.<<endif>> <<if $hasipod is true>>Your music player? You can't give Her that, she'll think you want to stay here forever.<<endif>> <<if $hasscissors is true>>Scissors? No, nobody likes stationary as much as you do.<<endif>> <<if $haschain is true>>The chain from the hydrant? It's hardly classy.<<endif>> Your trusty claw hammer? No, no, no, that's not like her - she's not a girl with a claw hammer, she's sweet and pretty, and when she laughs, you m-\n\n"Hahah~♥, oh..." And She's leant forwards and put her lips to your forehead and you're still fumbling and...\n\n"Hi." you manage that much, at least.\n\n"I don't need a present on my birthday," she says, reaching her arms around your shoulders to hug you, in your bent-forwards awkwardness, mushing up against you pleasantly. "I'm just glad you came here. My birthday wouldn't be the same without you. ♥"\n\nAnd that's it.\n\nThat's all there has to be.\n

... Let's think about what you just suggested for a minute.\n\n[[Oh, yeah. Right.|previous()]]

I CAN'T HEAR YOU\n\n[[I SAID RAD!|rad]]

[[Talen Lee|http://press.arts-eclectic.com/]]

Examining the door, you notice that there's a darkness in the lock - which suggests that of course, the key is in it. Wait! That's perfect, that means that if you could find yourself something very flat, like - oh! Like one of your album covers upstairs? - and maybe something thin to poke at the key, you could push the key through the hole, land it on the flat thing, and pull it back through. <<if $hasoil is true>>Maybe you could oil the lock, too, to make the key push easier?<<endif>>\n\nOh, wait, no, it's just a spot of fluff. And the door is still nailed shut with bars of wood across it. \n\n[[Hey! Don't make fun of that puzzle, it's a classic.|previous()]]

[[CRUNCH!|vampfight3]]