The Man From Social Media Came Round

The man from social media came round to “check up,” he said, “on what we wanted”
I looked at my partner, thought awhile, and replied, “Just the usual I suppose
Pictures of dogs, some stuff to feel cultural, some videogame deals, stream or two,
but like, not of any shitlords”
He nodded

“Spiritually,” he asked, “do you have any spiritual needs, longings?”
I knew sort of what he was getting at, and I knew too I had to avoid being noticed
“Well I mean I don’t really think about it much,”
I said, as I tried not to start yelling about how the pope sucks arse
He nodded

“I could always use coronavirus updates,” I said, thinking maybe that’s what he wanted
“You know, just something to mix up the anxiety between rent cheques”
He ticked a box and looked up at me
“I see”
“Well,” I said, “I guess I’d like to know about how my friends’ jobs are doing” tick, “and their kids’ schoolwork,” tick, “um, parties, sort of,” he ticked, silent
“You know, all that stuff”

He turned to the next page “and… huge and deviant sexual longings?”
“That’s the AD, mate,” I said
But he went “Yeah, okay, I’ll be back with that form tomorrow
“Really fuckin’ interested, honestly, like, why can’t they ban the nazis-”
“Ah, well, we’ll put that as ‘yes.’ Music?”
“MP3 collection that’s still got weird filenames from napster”
“I mean, I read it, but I don’t own any books”
“How much stuff do you think you buy based on promoted tweets?”
“What do you think of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry?”
“Couldn’t give a fuck, mate”
“lol,” he said. “lmao, even.”
“Yeah, mate.”

He asked me to sign, and complete a capcha, telling me it was non-obligatory,
You know, for the purposes of verification only,
Next morning we got on the feed all we wanted, except for the Meghan Markle stuff

Original Text from TISM’sThe Man From Popular Culture Came Round.