Over the course of the past month I have been pretty much offline. There have been afternoons borrowing bandwidth at my mother-in-law’s house, or times snatching internet connectivity through a phone that can just barely manage to maintain a connection to WordPress, but broadly speaking, offline. I was told jestingly that this would lead to me producing a ton of work, since all it took for me to finish NanoWriMo was just sitting down and wanting to do it.
I wrote down most of what I thought or felt during that time offline, and you know, it wasn’t as fruitful as I thought it would be. Instead, I found my thoughts meandering to things too raw to post – depression, anger, isolation. All that stuff that if you do talk about it, opens you up to unanswerable criticism. The things that you can’t say or shouldn’t bring up or whatever. I’m not one of those people with a support network of friends I can talk to to bring my feelings around. I am surrounded by figures of glass and porcelain – precious and rare, and too fragile for me to even raise my voice.
Still, I can make use of what I have. Some of these words aren’t awful. I can turn the gem and let some light through. I don’t want to post the offline thoughts – they were sad and depressing and angry. I am in a new place, now, and my life is doing its best to right itself. I have a new university schedule ahead of me, with a potential direction in my life. Videogames. Books. Music.
If I want this blog to hit a schedule of about a post every day, then I’m going to have to put out, in the next three days, fifteen posts. One of those days is going to be a One Stone chapter. Which means fifteen posts in two days.
Fuck it, let’s see what we got.