I wonder if it’s the time of year or something.
This time last year I was in Room 801, and sitting amongst a room full of visual artists, I felt like my work was worthless. I felt that because I had written books, I was basically generating media that nobody was going to want to acquire. I felt like I was wasting effort and time and that I was always going to be the least of all the people I knew.
It’s really strange, too? Because today, I spent my time under that exact same cloud. I was looking at things other people did, and the ways I was trying to achieve things, and realising that a lot of my achievements weren’t really doing anything.
I’m not sure if it is this time of year – I mean, I get this way pretty often – but it seems surprising to me that I’m really looking down the barrel of the same convention event.
It’s worthwhile examining these moods. I know I keep them close to my chest, relatively speaking – in part because my emotional state is tied to the health and wellbeing of other people – but I’m glad I’ve been using this blog, and my drafts, and looking at and recording how I am over time. If I was in mood enough to write a draft – and then not post it – then it says a lot about how I was.
Blogging is good practice – and making it personal is also good practice.