Doing What You Want

Some days, you don’t get to do the things you wanted to do.

This morning, I had a bit of a plan. It was an ambitious plan; I had three different videogames that I wanted to play with some people, a micro-podcast to record, and uni work to do. I figured I’d use a little time in the morning to touch base with my social folk, play some games, write some for Uni, then go play D&D with my friends.

Then some asshole ruined a friend’s night. And another friend needed someone to lean on. And another friend needed to sleep. And laundry needed hanging out. And a lightbulb needed replacing. And a baked good didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.

Today, I used the word microcares. I wanted a way to describe even those small things I try to do, just the simple question of are you okay and can I help you. So often, the answers to both are no and I have to accept that. Sometimes I can make someone laugh. Sometimes I can distract them from the terribleness and sometimes I can make the pain go away for a little while. Sometimes I can’t, and I just sit by them, in the quiet of the night smeared across the side of the world, and listen to them sob.

But today, I replaced a lightbulb, to make a part of the yard easier to deal with.

Today, I walked the dog.

Today, I stood in the rain and smiled.

Today, I heard a friend burst out loud laughing.

Today, I saw a friend blush at someone beautiful she liked.

Today, a friend needed someone, and I was able to be there.

It was a little, but it was enough. Because, really, more than writing or videogames or podcasting, what I really want to do is make the people around me happier, in the ways that I can.

Please don’t take it as sarcastic if ever I ask you: How can I make your life more wonderful?

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